Embracing Underachievement and a New Perspective

Long ago, somewhere along the way, I accepted that I had to succeed in whatever way possible. As someone who wanted to write the great American novel—perhaps I achieved it in another reality but not this one—I got wound up in the mirage of having to succeed. And when I became a single mom, working ridiculously hard became more pronounced. But what about underachievement? Is that my path now?

I recently learned I wrote my first story when I was an extremely introverted and sensitive 11-year-old. I got my first job at 17. And each year, it’s been a press harder and harder on the accelerator. I was trained early in my career to never say ‘no’ to the work but instead ask my manager what else I can do. In retrospect, it was the wrong advice, but it was another time.

Still, I have spent exactly 40 years speeding through life and continually overachieving in any aspect of my life that was significant to my reality. In turn, I hardwired into my brain’s neural pathways countless roads to stress, overwhelm, burnout, and depression. What I’ve realized in the wisdom that comes with experience for me is that overachieving is a mirage.

“We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.” — Oscar Wilde

Overachieving Isn’t Better than Underachievement

When I was younger and living in New York City, where I grew up, I drank the Kool-Aid. I was repeatedly told that I had to exceed goals, and anything less made me less worthy. As a single mom, although I intuitively resisted and knew this could harm me—and it did at different times along the way—I felt and came to believe I had no choice. I was going to succeed at work and be the best. In short, I gave my soul to the altar of work success.

I’m exceedingly fortunate to be here still, especially coming from a town whose motto was, if you’re on time—you’re late. However, I have come to realize that I’m not the only one who is fortunate to have been saved from the overachieving virus that many people soak up as a given. When I did a guided meditation, the challenge was to question whether underachievement was not a success. Huh…

Following meditation, I emailed a friend about underachievement, and this person replied quickly. My friend explained that after a very successful career, they underachieved in retirement. My friend explained that they could achieve something now that they couldn’t when the focus was on reaching every goal. Sobriety. Further, my friend thought they would be dead without the space to underachieve.

Accepting Different Definitions of Success

As I’ve matured and experienced, I’ve started reconnecting to my best self—the nerdy, empathic, sensitive kid who loved reading and writing. I’ve thought a lot about my journey and reflected on this year as the continuation of a transformative period of my life that started last year. However, for me, the transformation has involved my deconstruction.

Deconstructing is not easy. Letting go of habits that have kept my mind, body, and spirit always looking to do more, and more, and more, and more is a very tough thing to change. And at this stage in my journey, I’m no longer under any illusions that “over there” is any better than “over here” or that I must fit into a particular mold. I’ve come to the point where I’m becoming uncompromisingly me.

Living a life of underachievement in life is perfectly fine and has created a significant mind shift to continually slow my roll and pump the brakes. Again, it’s not easy because it means letting go of many things that no longer serve my inner peace and well-being. But I also appreciate what my friend wrote me about underachievement in response to my email. Success has many facets and aspects beyond what society feeds us from a young age.

© 2025 Linda N. Spencer, My Red Sneakers. All Rights Reserved.